It was a long day, today! And finally its nighttime, 11:23pm to be precise, 37 minutes before it’s officially over.
And the first day is the worst, right?
I have all the reason to believe that tomorrow will be a better day?
Am I living a deja vu? Are my years on a loop? Last year this time I had lost. It took me a year to gather my bits that are now floating in a vacuum. Oh I see them.
No matter what happens, I’ll never hate you Autumn. So what if you split things, you didn’t choose the Nature, you already carry too much pain. I forgive you. Until again, I’ll start collecting my bits all over again.
Accidents lead to wounds. Wounds lead to scars and scars will always remind you of the pain from your wounds.
None of it is voluntary or under your control. And no matter what someone tells you, this is the brutal truth and the reality behind suffering.
But how this pain shapes you, is what you yourself determine. This is not involuntary, this is a conscious choice. And if you’re not making it, then you’re making a mistake.
So you choose today, the direction you want to walk in. Internalise, one of my favourite movie quotes from Ghost Rider:
“If you don’t make a choice, the choice makes you.”
I like to wear my scars. Because they remind me of what can be overcome. They remind me to be humble, because only when you tone down the shouts of your ego, can you really appreciate the subtle tone of life. You don’t even know it, but the most profound lessons are registered by your mind when the silence within you resonates with the silence outside.
About part 2: I’m currently working on a surprise. I’m redoing one of my room walls, its a little token of thanks to myself for choosing to fight, and for allowing the faith to be stronger than my fears.
There she was, standing again at the edge of the cliff. The only way forwards is through a hair-like thin substance of a rope serving as the bridge.
She would still have flashbacks of old days. Apparently her scars were not as filled as she thought they‘d be. She was still very vulnerable. Still very scared.
And still the only way for her was way forwards.
So she stood there, quietly absorbing all this energy. Staring into mist, trying to visualise the other end of the edge. It was not the finality, she was dubious about, it was the course she had to take to reach that. It was a blind leap of faith. Yet again. Suddenly all her scars were lit, accompanying her on the journey like an unwanted caravan of chaotic pilgrims.