Grief

I’m sad. No matter how hard I try to believe otherwise, my body has given its verdict and I will not fight it anymore.

The only way to get through grief is to live through it, right? There’s no easier way to do it. There’s no shorter route to the end of the tunnel.

It is slow and painful. But it is what it is. I will live through it.

Ode to my husband

This is the end, my dear

Of you and me together as we

I don’t know if you even felt that about me

I am protesting now, see. Would you have that from me?

I wish you were a better man

I wish you were a better husband

I wish you were a better father

I wish you were all those things

Before it was too late

But even if you couldn’t be all of those

Could you not be a good human being atleast?

They say love can move mountains

Was my love not enough?

Were we ever in love?

Did we even have a marriage?

Maybe it was all an ugly display

That has turned into ruin now

Do I laugh or cry?

At this deliverance and solitude.

Courageous

You owned up everything

You came upfront and faced all the consequences

How did you get to be so brave?

Where will we go from here?

I wish I could fast forward our lives to few years from now

When all the dust has hopefully settled and we’re headed somewhere

Somewhere happier, somewhere less complicated

Oh how I wish I could.

Is the worst yet to come?

Image by Ajay Karpur

Each fight is worse than before, but I wonder whats the worst? Has it passed or is it yet to come?

Should I prepare or live in the moment? What difference does it make?

You! You can sulk all day, as you on most days do. You can lay back on the couch and care about not a thing in the world.

But me? I’m a mother. I get no days to sulk. I have to get up each morning, gather all strength and make our child feel like its just another day. Put up a smile, make her happy while my head hurts and I feel weighed down. But I won’t show you and that kills you, doesn’t it?

It bothers you why you can’t break me? My resilience burns you. Burn. Cuz I aint going down because of you. No matter how long the cat and dog show continues, I’m standing the ground.