My heart is extra sensitive today
To the slightest stimuli that shake it to its core
Hearing you say baba in your sleep
Knowing thats just something you’ll have to grow up without
Seeing them crave my stability
Knowing thats just something they’ll have to leave it to time
Im looking for something to numb the pain
The pain of being and what was and won’t be
There’s no way to undo your life, is there?
With each loss, my spirit sinks deeper still
Layer after layer, my heart is wrapped up
In sheets of grief
If I could do you one last favour
I would help you see what it is that you want
And I would tell you that its okay to chase your dreams
If I could do you one last favour
I would teach you to let go
I know sometime later, it will hurt less
Things will make sense, and we will move on
I know sometime later, your voice will not shake my heart
And places we visited won’t make me crave
I guess I can feel now, the loss you felt at losing your lighthouse
But I wish you could see that it wasn’t my punishment to take
I know sometime later, I will heal
I only hope you can find it in your heart to heal yourself too
I want you out of me, all of you.
I despise your selfish touch
I despise your harsh words
You have no respect for anybody whatsoever
But you will act victim. Everytime
Maybe I deserved you
Maybe you’re my wakeup call
But one day I’ll free myself of you
One day I’ll save myself .
I don’t understand what kind of sick people take charge of other people’s life forcefully to put up a facade of happiness? What kind of insecure people thrive off public imagery? How did you get so effed up? How did I end up with you? </3
I want to disappear
Dissipate into a million specks
I want to silence all that speaks
Into still moments of eternity
Free me from the constraints of time
Let me be all over again
It was a long day, today! And finally its nighttime, 11:23pm to be precise, 37 minutes before it’s officially over.
And the first day is the worst, right?
I have all the reason to believe that tomorrow will be a better day?
Am I living a deja vu? Are my years on a loop? Last year this time I had lost. It took me a year to gather my bits that are now floating in a vacuum. Oh I see them.
No matter what happens, I’ll never hate you Autumn. So what if you split things, you didn’t choose the Nature, you already carry too much pain. I forgive you. Until again, I’ll start collecting my bits all over again.
Not like the stars that shine every night, not like the sun that rises everyday, but like a drop that falls in an ocean, or like a grain that falls in a terrain. Once and for all, lost forever.
All these people walking in quick succession
Words that are meant to be spoken, not communicated
Eyes that have adjusted to the sight of foul play
Hearts that have abandoned empty rib cages
Who are we surrounded with?
What are we searching for?
Fall Musings 