The first day is the worst

Image by Aaron Burden

It was a long day, today! And finally its nighttime, 11:23pm to be precise, 37 minutes before it’s officially over.

And the first day is the worst, right?

I have all the reason to believe that tomorrow will be a better day?

Am I living a deja vu? Are my years on a loop? Last year this time I had lost. It took me a year to gather my bits that are now floating in a vacuum. Oh I see them.

No matter what happens, I’ll never hate you Autumn. So what if you split things, you didn’t choose the Nature, you already carry too much pain. I forgive you. Until again, I’ll start collecting my bits all over again.


Image by Ahmed Saffu

With each passing day, I could hear in your rants, the fear, the exhaustion, a cacophony of thoughts resonating, slaying your soul without mercy.

And then it all became silent.

Silence that engulfs you whole, a deafening silence. Silence that encroaches upon any and everything around you and leaves it hollow.

And you’re suspended. You’re not straining, not making a move. You’re still.

Hang in there. I’m here. We’re all here. Send echoes from where you’re, we can hear you.

Moments shall pass. You’re under His shade.

Please take a moment to offer prayer for Stoner on a Rollercoaster ‘s mother who passed away yesterday. May she be at peace. Sending love and prayers to her and her family.


I want you to do something for me today.


Late at night or early morning, the next day, when you’re sitting with a loved one, hearing their day’s story over coffee, nodding but deep inside you’re engrossed in that one defining moment, that loss which changed you forever, I want you to glance over your silhouettes on the wall.

Pay close attention.

What do you see?

Do you see a parallel world? Do you see how it exactly mimics every action in this world?

Do you imagine that in each moment, each of our action is being carried out not in one, but in two parallel worlds?

So what maintains the dictinction then?

Observe how the only difference between the two worlds is perhaps, lifelessness on the wall. Every silhouette is blank. None of it has any emotion whatsoever.

Observe how no amount of affection, or care or any emotion at all can influence the silhouette on the wall. No matter what happens in this world, it remains empty.


Are you a walking silhouette of yourself?

Have you traded places with your lifeless form inorder to dwell in past?

Ask yourself this. Is the real you living in a fortress of memories on the wall and not in this world?

Yes, you’re having a hard time dealing with the internal anguish. 

You thought you had your soulmate, but then he had to leave. And your best friends grew impatient of you, maybe you failed at the only thing you thought were good at, so yes the reality of things bite and it sinks your soul, but despite all this, is it fair to lock yourself with the misery of all things gone wrong? Is it just to step out of your life, and into a world of lifelessness and emptiness where no voice can reach out to you?


No, it’s not.


How can another person save you, when it’s not even you they’re dealing with? How can the love of this world move you when you’re not present here? How can you fall in love again, when you’re not the same person who fell in love, in the first place? And how can you say that nothing was worth loving again, when you didn’t even try to see?


Life can be how it was before. You can learn to live, love and laugh with the loss, if only you let yourself out.

It is not your loss that is keeping you from feeling joy, it is the absence of yourself.

The greatest loss you ever suffer, is the loss of yourself. And you have a control over it.


Stop living in silhouettes. There are real people out there, people around you who are trying to make you laugh everyday. There are people talking to your silhouette everyday, but no matter what they do, no amount of their love, or faithfulness, or anger will move you until you yourself decide to stop facing them from the wall. And step outside to touch them for real, and feel their presence.

Do youself a favour today.

Let go of memories, accept the defeat. Step out with the loss.

Talk to the real people. People to whom you matter. People you once cared about.


Let yourself live. Let yourself laugh. You deserve this.

And most importantly, your life awaits.