Grief #2

Image by Kameron Kincade

Im looking for something to numb the pain

The pain of being and what was and won’t be

There’s no way to undo your life, is there?

With each loss, my spirit sinks deeper still

Layer after layer, my heart is wrapped up

In sheets of grief

Resilience

My eyes are tired, as if they haven’t slept in years

My heart is dry, as if it hasn’t rained since long

My mind is clogged, as if in the middle of an eternal duststorm

Yet here I breathe, breeze in breeze out

With every blink of my eye, I run towards a tiny ray of hope

Hoping that it will pull me out in sunshine and meadow . Amen

Image by David Becker

Sometime later

I know sometime later, it will hurt less

Things will make sense, and we will move on

I know sometime later, your voice will not shake my heart

And places we visited won’t make me crave

I guess I can feel now, the loss you felt at losing your lighthouse

But I wish you could see that it wasn’t my punishment to take

I know sometime later, I will heal

I only hope you can find it in your heart to heal yourself too

Save myself

I want you out of me, all of you.

I despise your selfish touch

I despise your harsh words

You have no respect for anybody whatsoever

But you will act victim. Everytime

Maybe I deserved you

Maybe you’re my wakeup call

But one day I’ll free myself of you

One day I’ll save myself .

Credit Freestocks

The art of disguise

Yes ma, he yelled at your little one again

Oh what would you do?

Yes ma, he belittled your princess again

Oh but what would you do?

I see your eyes searching for truth

Trying hard to see if your little one cried last night

As if knowing the truth would make a difference

Everyone is so happy today, what a perfect family

Lets all close our eyes and pretend to not see its ugliness

Cuz we all want everyone to be happy together

The cost of which should not be voiced

So I have learnt it ma though you didnt teach me

You will never be able to tell my smile apart, it’s an art of disguise

Image by Fakurian Arts

Why invest in faith?

Is human life easier to live in the absence of faith, in the absence of fear of a Divine judgment, the resurrection? Yes, it surely is.

To live in the moment. To face the storms and aftermath as they pass through life with no fear of reverberation.

Then why, to think of it, has faith survived in one’s life?

There comes certain times when the world appears to halt. When the sounds of life no longer stir your hearing, and your life appears to be suspended in a timeless dimension.

It becomes harder to figure out the significance of the moment just by looking at it.

Its like you hear silence and watch space, and want your mind to draw worth out of nothingness. How?

So you need a bigger picture. An epilogue to understand the point of grief.

Is life fair?

No.

Can you figure out algorithms to get through life?

On most days you can, but days like these, simple substantial derivations are not enough to propel you forward.

You need a belief in the Divine. A belief that this is not the ultimate end. That this day is but an insignificant hitch in an otherwise magnificent story. And that the logical thing to do is walk forwards, despite the urge of remaining suspended. Because the story ends with the Creator, not the character.

This is why faith survives.

This is why you need to cultivate faith on good days so you can harvest the produce in hostile ones.

So you have a cradle to lay low.

So on this day, you lie down under the shade of your belief and listen to the breeze.

 

Guidance will come.

 

 

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Picture Credits: MotionAge Design

Survivor

Are you a survivor?

What do we have in common? We both know that this time again, your heart will not stop.

Yes you will sink a little deeper than the last time, and the splatter will be seen till a little farther than your last time, but you will ultimately rebound.

We will endure.

You will endure.

Is it always like this? Your biggest strength is your greatest trial, I don’t know. But the statistics of your and my life suggest so.

It is either our mind, or heart. What puts us in a dilemma all the time. I’m not quite sure which one it is because ultimately both survive.

Yes that shattered, bandaged heart of yours is a survivor. It has not lost, it has collected itself, always. Which is why it has happened again. Which is why life found another way to shatter it. Think about it. Why would life waste its energy on a lost target?

Measure your strength by the magnitude of your trial.

Maybe there is no reward. Maybe thats all there is to it. This is how we will end.

It was all still worth it.