Grief #2

Image by Kameron Kincade

Im looking for something to numb the pain

The pain of being and what was and won’t be

There’s no way to undo your life, is there?

With each loss, my spirit sinks deeper still

Layer after layer, my heart is wrapped up

In sheets of grief

Letters to my daughter#1 – Love

I have never known love like the comfort of holding you

I have never known pleasure like the joy of kissing you

I have never known strength like the will to fight for you

I have never known fear like the thought of losing you

You redefine me and everything I have ever believed

I will never know a life again without your life blooming in it

Ode to my husband

This is the end, my dear

Of you and me together as we

I don’t know if you even felt that about me

I am protesting now, see. Would you have that from me?

I wish you were a better man

I wish you were a better husband

I wish you were a better father

I wish you were all those things

Before it was too late

But even if you couldn’t be all of those

Could you not be a good human being atleast?

They say love can move mountains

Was my love not enough?

Were we ever in love?

Did we even have a marriage?

Maybe it was all an ugly display

That has turned into ruin now

Do I laugh or cry?

At this deliverance and solitude.

Resilience

My eyes are tired, as if they haven’t slept in years

My heart is dry, as if it hasn’t rained since long

My mind is clogged, as if in the middle of an eternal duststorm

Yet here I breathe, breeze in breeze out

With every blink of my eye, I run towards a tiny ray of hope

Hoping that it will pull me out in sunshine and meadow . Amen

Image by David Becker

Courageous

You owned up everything

You came upfront and faced all the consequences

How did you get to be so brave?

Where will we go from here?

I wish I could fast forward our lives to few years from now

When all the dust has hopefully settled and we’re headed somewhere

Somewhere happier, somewhere less complicated

Oh how I wish I could.

Sometime later

I know sometime later, it will hurt less

Things will make sense, and we will move on

I know sometime later, your voice will not shake my heart

And places we visited won’t make me crave

I guess I can feel now, the loss you felt at losing your lighthouse

But I wish you could see that it wasn’t my punishment to take

I know sometime later, I will heal

I only hope you can find it in your heart to heal yourself too

Forbidden fruit

There’s something so dreamy about you. You’re my forbidden fruit.

You’re poetry and mystery. You’re an abyss I shouldn’t step into.

But you make my heart and soul ache. Only once in a while, I yearn to be set ablaze in your flame

But I’ve drowned, and roamed the thorny pathways. I yearn and then pay an aching price. So I dare not light a spark now

I’m in no Eden, but if I fall still, I’ll never recover and that’d be the end of me, my forbidden fruit.