Letters to my daughter#1 – Love

I have never known love like the comfort of holding you

I have never known pleasure like the joy of kissing you

I have never known strength like the will to fight for you

I have never known fear like the thought of losing you

You redefine me and everything I have ever believed

I will never know a life again without your life blooming in it

Ode to my husband

This is the end, my dear

Of you and me together as we

I don’t know if you even felt that about me

I am protesting now, see. Would you have that from me?

I wish you were a better man

I wish you were a better husband

I wish you were a better father

I wish you were all those things

Before it was too late

But even if you couldn’t be all of those

Could you not be a good human being atleast?

They say love can move mountains

Was my love not enough?

Were we ever in love?

Did we even have a marriage?

Maybe it was all an ugly display

That has turned into ruin now

Do I laugh or cry?

At this deliverance and solitude.

Resilience

My eyes are tired, as if they haven’t slept in years

My heart is dry, as if it hasn’t rained since long

My mind is clogged, as if in the middle of an eternal duststorm

Yet here I breathe, breeze in breeze out

With every blink of my eye, I run towards a tiny ray of hope

Hoping that it will pull me out in sunshine and meadow . Amen

Image by David Becker

Courageous

You owned up everything

You came upfront and faced all the consequences

How did you get to be so brave?

Where will we go from here?

I wish I could fast forward our lives to few years from now

When all the dust has hopefully settled and we’re headed somewhere

Somewhere happier, somewhere less complicated

Oh how I wish I could.

Sometime later

I know sometime later, it will hurt less

Things will make sense, and we will move on

I know sometime later, your voice will not shake my heart

And places we visited won’t make me crave

I guess I can feel now, the loss you felt at losing your lighthouse

But I wish you could see that it wasn’t my punishment to take

I know sometime later, I will heal

I only hope you can find it in your heart to heal yourself too

The art of disguise

Yes ma, he yelled at your little one again

Oh what would you do?

Yes ma, he belittled your princess again

Oh but what would you do?

I see your eyes searching for truth

Trying hard to see if your little one cried last night

As if knowing the truth would make a difference

Everyone is so happy today, what a perfect family

Lets all close our eyes and pretend to not see its ugliness

Cuz we all want everyone to be happy together

The cost of which should not be voiced

So I have learnt it ma though you didnt teach me

You will never be able to tell my smile apart, it’s an art of disguise

Image by Fakurian Arts

Is the worst yet to come?

Image by Ajay Karpur

Each fight is worse than before, but I wonder whats the worst? Has it passed or is it yet to come?

Should I prepare or live in the moment? What difference does it make?

You! You can sulk all day, as you on most days do. You can lay back on the couch and care about not a thing in the world.

But me? I’m a mother. I get no days to sulk. I have to get up each morning, gather all strength and make our child feel like its just another day. Put up a smile, make her happy while my head hurts and I feel weighed down. But I won’t show you and that kills you, doesn’t it?

It bothers you why you can’t break me? My resilience burns you. Burn. Cuz I aint going down because of you. No matter how long the cat and dog show continues, I’m standing the ground.