My heart is extra sensitive today
To the slightest stimuli that shake it to its core
Hearing you say baba in your sleep
Knowing thats just something you’ll have to grow up without
Seeing them crave my stability
Knowing thats just something they’ll have to leave it to time
~ Confessions of a working mother
If you knew how many times I kissed you in your sleep,
For missing out on your play time.
If you knew how many times I rubbed my cheeks against yours,
To make up for the calls of mama.
If you knew nothing and nobody stands before you,
In the eyes of your mama!
Would you then know that of all the things mama has to do,
Leaving you is the hardest one to do?
I have never known love like the comfort of holding you
I have never known pleasure like the joy of kissing you
I have never known strength like the will to fight for you
I have never known fear like the thought of losing you
You redefine me and everything I have ever believed
I will never know a life again without your life blooming in it
This is the end, my dear
Of you and me together as we
I don’t know if you even felt that about me
I am protesting now, see. Would you have that from me?
I wish you were a better man
I wish you were a better husband
I wish you were a better father
I wish you were all those things
Before it was too late
But even if you couldn’t be all of those
Could you not be a good human being atleast?
They say love can move mountains
Was my love not enough?
Were we ever in love?
Did we even have a marriage?
Maybe it was all an ugly display
That has turned into ruin now
Do I laugh or cry?
At this deliverance and solitude.
The heart and the mind work funny ways
So desperate for happiness
They carve images of love out of tearful memories
So pathetic for attention
They close their eyes to reality and choose to believe in a mirage.
Courage dear heart,
Its not your time or place.
So all your strength was but another facade
Carefully put together to lure us in
We don’t allow ourselves to be fooled by you again
From here onwards, we choose our own path
Let me mourn you today
Tomorrow, there’ll be no place for you to stay.
My eyes are tired, as if they haven’t slept in years
My heart is dry, as if it hasn’t rained since long
My mind is clogged, as if in the middle of an eternal duststorm
Yet here I breathe, breeze in breeze out
With every blink of my eye, I run towards a tiny ray of hope
Hoping that it will pull me out in sunshine and meadow . Amen
You owned up everything
You came upfront and faced all the consequences
How did you get to be so brave?
Where will we go from here?
I wish I could fast forward our lives to few years from now
When all the dust has hopefully settled and we’re headed somewhere
Somewhere happier, somewhere less complicated
Oh how I wish I could.
I know sometime later, it will hurt less
Things will make sense, and we will move on
I know sometime later, your voice will not shake my heart
And places we visited won’t make me crave
I guess I can feel now, the loss you felt at losing your lighthouse
But I wish you could see that it wasn’t my punishment to take
I know sometime later, I will heal
I only hope you can find it in your heart to heal yourself too
I thought the difficult part was facing the facts and seeking help
Or talking to others about it.
But none of it was as difficult as seeing you
Knowing what could have been and didn’t.