In the crowd dear heart, look for faces you call Home.
If you ever get scared to be lost in the crowd, if it ever holds you back from living your life, remind yourself, the route to home is only a touch away.
Whats better than tidying up the most dynamic year of my life with a thread of gratitude. Before I begin and if anyone is interested, here’s a link to Part I, the Scars. Here I go,
I am Home
I say, home is where there are people who will put up with your worst and who just won’t leave.
To find peace and harmony in your home is one of the greatest blessings ever. One I’ve been bestowed with, and one I will not let go for the rest of my life.
I took up writing merely to appease a heart in turmoil. This blog is my heart inside out. And what it has returned me is love, acceptance and the miracle of sharing. I consider this a huge compensation from the Divine for all the upheaval, and its worth it.
I haven’t been the most easy child to be dealt with. For one, I’m different. They don’t know how to console me, on most days I don’t know that myself. But they’ve stayed.
My mother is a woman of incredible strength and grace. How has she been able to wear her gorgeous smile all these years, through light and dark is beyond me. She is angelic.
My dad is a tough man. But he doesn’t give up. One of the reasons I haven’t given up on my life, was because he was standing beside me, despite our differences not letting me give up. I don’t know if I will reach somewhere or not, but I have learnt the art to carry on from these two incredible folks.
Thank you God.
A Beautiful Life
There are a million other things I’m thankful for, but I will sum it as a Beautiful Life. A life filled with amazing friends, privileges and comfort, and a soul. All my down days have left me with a heart that knows how to acknowledge beauty, and the source of all beauty is God.
I learnt to fly by first learning to walk
I flew in shards to find myself whole in block
I lost myself to find the God
Adios 2017! 🎊
I dedicate this post on my birthday to my friends and family, those of them who choose to stick around and help me be myself!
My bff has been managing to come over to my house for a birthday surprise for past 7 years despite her exhausting job routine.
Every year my parents and sibling sneak out of the house to come back with flowers and gifts.
These little thoughts behind big gestures define me and my definition of love.
My bff and I made ourselves cosy in bed, kept food all around us and watched a movie. It was one of my favourite birthdays ever. The movie ended up with the thoughts: To be in love is to be yourself. I love you because when I’m with you, I’m more myself than I’m with anybody else.
When we grow up in such love, we become enthusiasts to reflect the same love from the people of the world. We dedicate a major chunk of our lives to this quest. The journey of growing up for me has partly been returning to my roots. I’ve settled down with my anchors, my folks who let me be me and hold me to myself.
I’ll always love you. I don’t think I can be more me with anybody but when I’m with you guys.
If that’s your choice, I hope you’re strong enough to take life as a one man army.
I hope you excel, and never have to look back.
But if at some point you do look back; if life places a barrier infront of you that you cannot immediately overcome, or simply it knocks you down on your knees, and you have to slow down and you decide to turn around; I really hope you’re not staring into solitude and foot dust: a blank road with no signs of life.
I hope when you had the chance, you didn’t turn a blind eye to your loved ones, until they ran out of patience for keeping up.
I hope you didn’t delude yourself into mistaking rising for growing, and lack of criticism for excellence.
Incase you’re wondering how life suddenly is so heavy on your soul, your invisible shelter is blown. A father’s harsh advice, a mother’s affection, a sibling’s bittersweet love, a lover’s expectation, a friend’s endless storytelling; they kept you alive, they were the remedies to your everyday distress. The subtle, yet powerful influences on your mood, your heart and your soul. You let go of some of the best things in your life, unnoticed.
Trust me when I say, do not deny a helping hand during your journey, even if you think you don’t need them, you do! Do not turn away from people who genuinely care about you. The farther you walk into life, harder it gets to find the kind.
It is okay to accept help every once in a while. It is okay to lay back on some days, and listen to the lifestory of your folks, laugh with them, and witness life finally taking it easy on you.
I want you to do something for me today.
Late at night or early morning, the next day, when you’re sitting with a loved one, hearing their day’s story over coffee, nodding but deep inside you’re engrossed in that one defining moment, that loss which changed you forever, I want you to glance over your silhouettes on the wall.
Pay close attention.
What do you see?
Do you see a parallel world? Do you see how it exactly mimics every action in this world?
Do you imagine that in each moment, each of our action is being carried out not in one, but in two parallel worlds?
So what maintains the dictinction then?
Observe how the only difference between the two worlds is perhaps, lifelessness on the wall. Every silhouette is blank. None of it has any emotion whatsoever.
Observe how no amount of affection, or care or any emotion at all can influence the silhouette on the wall. No matter what happens in this world, it remains empty.
Are you a walking silhouette of yourself?
Have you traded places with your lifeless form inorder to dwell in past?
Ask yourself this. Is the real you living in a fortress of memories on the wall and not in this world?
Yes, you’re having a hard time dealing with the internal anguish. You thought you had your soulmate, but then he had to leave. And your best friends grew impatient of you, maybe you failed at the only thing you thought were good at, so yes the reality of things bite and it sinks your soul, but despite all this, is it fair to lock yourself with the misery of all things gone wrong? Is it just to step out of your life, and into a world of lifelessness and emptiness where no voice can reach out to you?
No, it’s not.
How can another person save you, when it’s not even you they’re dealing with? How can the love of this world move you when you’re not present here? How can you fall in love again, when you’re not the same person who fell in love, in the first place? And how can you say that nothing was worth loving again, when you didn’t even try to see?
Life can be how it was before. You can learn to live, love and laugh with the loss, if only you let yourself out.
It is not your loss that is keeping you from feeling joy, it is the absence of yourself.
The greatest loss you ever suffer, is the loss of yourself. And you have a control over it.
Stop living in silhouettes. There are real people out there, people around you who are trying to make you laugh everyday. There are people talking to your silhouette everyday, but no matter what they do, no amount of their love, or faithfulness, or anger will move you until you yourself decide to stop facing them from the wall. And step outside to touch them for real, and feel their presence.
Do youself a favour today.
Let go of memories, accept the defeat. Step out with the loss.
Talk to the real people. People to whom you matter. People you once cared about.
Let yourself live. Let yourself laugh. You deserve this.
And most importantly, your life awaits.