Achievement is wonderful when you know why you’re doing it. And when you don’t, it can be a terrible trap.
It worries me to think that I might be of the latter kind. The kind that achieves what it strives for, but never really knows what it is that they’re looking for.
It is like dwelling in a quicksand. Everyday you sink deeper and deeper, but you can’t find the rope to pull yourself out. So instead you spend days with this realisation that you’re submerging in an invincible load. What is this overwhelming load that you carry?
I don’t know. But I think, one it has to do with a lack of belief, and two being resilient to day to day stimuli that are supposed to influence your activities. Collectively you reach this state where nothing ever bothers you, and concurrently nothing ever breathes energy in you. Lifelessness. So you just steer while being suspended in this obnoxious luminous dimension where monotony is sovereign; voices are feeble, and emotions are distant. Nothing ever dares to stir a ripple.