Why Fall Musings?

Who am I?

Well my friends call me a mind-boggler and aptly so.

When life brings you to crossroads  and the outside world shakes your identity, you’ve got to stick to the bare minimum and survive.

So did I.

I had to shed all that was extravagant and handpick the bare minimum for myself. It was then that I decided to start a journey to seek the elements which form me, and perhaps later acquire a more profound realisation of self.

This is the beginning of my journey.

My Inspiration?

Flux.

Like a child recklessly losing the cool shade of a plum tree on a warm sunny day; from its safe cradle to taking the outlandish sun face to face.

But isn’t that life? A constant flux of shadows and sunshine.

This is just a humble effort to nurture similar shade for the sunshines that tomorrow might unfold.

Why Fall?

Fall and early mornings have one thing in common, things are purest, in their most raw form during this time. And what is more beautiful than seeing someone and something naked; layered in nothing but their skin?

Hence, fall.

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WAKEHURST PLACE, SUSSEX – AUTUMN – EARLY MORNING SUNLIGHT ILLUMINATES JAPANESE MAPLE TREES (ACERS) NEAR THE LAKE

The art of disguise

Yes ma, he yelled at your little one again

Oh what would you do?

Yes ma, he belittled your princess again

Oh but what would you do?

I see your eyes searching for truth

Trying hard to see if your little one cried last night

As if knowing the truth would make a difference

Everyone is so happy today, what a perfect family

Lets all close our eyes and pretend to not see its ugliness

Cuz we all want everyone to be happy together

The cost of which should not be voiced

So I have learnt it ma though you didnt teach me

You will never be able to tell my smile apart, it’s an art of disguise

Image by Fakurian Arts

Is the worst yet to come?

Image by Ajay Karpur

Each fight is worse than before, but I wonder whats the worst? Has it passed or is it yet to come?

Should I prepare or live in the moment? What difference does it make?

You! You can sulk all day, as you on most days do. You can lay back on the couch and care about not a thing in the world.

But me? I’m a mother. I get no days to sulk. I have to get up each morning, gather all strength and make our child feel like its just another day. Put up a smile, make her happy while my head hurts and I feel weighed down. But I won’t show you and that kills you, doesn’t it?

It bothers you why you can’t break me? My resilience burns you. Burn. Cuz I aint going down because of you. No matter how long the cat and dog show continues, I’m standing the ground.

Forbidden fruit

There’s something so dreamy about you. You’re my forbidden fruit.

You’re poetry and mystery. You’re an abyss I shouldn’t step into.

But you make my heart and soul ache. Only once in a while, I yearn to be set ablaze in your flame

But I’ve drowned, and roamed the thorny pathways. I yearn and then pay an aching price. So I dare not light a spark now

I’m in no Eden, but if I fall still, I’ll never recover and that’d be the end of me, my forbidden fruit.

Rant – to what end?

He is a classic lunatic. A toxic person that you should stay as far away as possible. The kind that enrages every happy occasion. The kind that ruins every plan. A classic selfish narcissist that deserves no one to love or care for him.

People are hypocrites. Everyone lies. At some point we’ve all been there. We all know atleast one nutcase in our lives who doesn’t deserve a family. And yet we lie and lure someone in to care for him. Someone else to take up our responsibility so we can move on, or move away from all the toxicity. But to what result?

An aggressive parent brings up aggressive children. An insecure person breeds lots of insecurities in children. And the cycle continues. More nutcases to ruin more families. To what end, I ask. To what end?

Image by Raph Howald