Why Fall Musings?

Who am I?

Well my friends call me a mind-boggler and aptly so.

When life brings you to crossroads  and the outside world shakes your identity, you’ve got to stick to the bare minimum and survive.

So did I.

I had to shed all that was extravagant and handpick the bare minimum for myself. It was then that I decided to start a journey to seek the elements which form me, and perhaps later acquire a more profound realisation of self.

This is the beginning of my journey.

My Inspiration?

Flux.

Like a child recklessly losing the cool shade of a plum tree on a warm sunny day; from its safe cradle to taking the outlandish sun face to face.

But isn’t that life? A constant flux of shadows and sunshine.

This is just a humble effort to nurture similar shade for the sunshines that tomorrow might unfold.

Why Fall?

Fall and early mornings have one thing in common, things are purest, in their most raw form during this time. And what is more beautiful than seeing someone and something naked; layered in nothing but their skin?

Hence, fall.

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WAKEHURST PLACE, SUSSEX – AUTUMN – EARLY MORNING SUNLIGHT ILLUMINATES JAPANESE MAPLE TREES (ACERS) NEAR THE LAKE

Letters to my daughter#1 – Love

I have never known love like the comfort of holding you

I have never known pleasure like the joy of kissing you

I have never known strength like the will to fight for you

I have never known fear like the thought of losing you

You redefine me and everything I have ever believed

I will never know a life again without your life blooming in it

Grief

I’m sad. No matter how hard I try to believe otherwise, my body has given its verdict and I will not fight it anymore.

The only way to get through grief is to live through it, right? There’s no easier way to do it. There’s no shorter route to the end of the tunnel.

It is slow and painful. But it is what it is. I will live through it.

Ode to my husband

This is the end, my dear

Of you and me together as we

I don’t know if you even felt that about me

I am protesting now, see. Would you have that from me?

I wish you were a better man

I wish you were a better husband

I wish you were a better father

I wish you were all those things

Before it was too late

But even if you couldn’t be all of those

Could you not be a good human being atleast?

They say love can move mountains

Was my love not enough?

Were we ever in love?

Did we even have a marriage?

Maybe it was all an ugly display

That has turned into ruin now

Do I laugh or cry?

At this deliverance and solitude.

Resilience

My eyes are tired, as if they haven’t slept in years

My heart is dry, as if it hasn’t rained since long

My mind is clogged, as if in the middle of an eternal duststorm

Yet here I breathe, breeze in breeze out

With every blink of my eye, I run towards a tiny ray of hope

Hoping that it will pull me out in sunshine and meadow . Amen

Image by David Becker

Courageous

You owned up everything

You came upfront and faced all the consequences

How did you get to be so brave?

Where will we go from here?

I wish I could fast forward our lives to few years from now

When all the dust has hopefully settled and we’re headed somewhere

Somewhere happier, somewhere less complicated

Oh how I wish I could.

Sometime later

I know sometime later, it will hurt less

Things will make sense, and we will move on

I know sometime later, your voice will not shake my heart

And places we visited won’t make me crave

I guess I can feel now, the loss you felt at losing your lighthouse

But I wish you could see that it wasn’t my punishment to take

I know sometime later, I will heal

I only hope you can find it in your heart to heal yourself too